The Moth Hunter

Next to the relentless mosquitoes who buzz your shit at 2:37 am on those hot and humid summer mornings, nothing is more annoying than a moth.

In my opinion.

Last night I'm in my room, minding my own business when this big moth comes charging through my bedroom window like he owns the place...

So I'm watching this bastard fly around my room and he's just totally out of control. The little prick has no flying skills what so ever. He's head butting the ceiling, flying face first into the walls, bouncing off the god damn furniture...

So like most moths, of course they have to fly up in your business, right?

You see that's the thing. I would actually be cool with moths if they actually respected my air space. Butterflies respect my air space. Most creatures, insects, animals, etc. respect my air space, my boundaries, and in return, I respect theirs. That's the agreement we have.

For example, the spider crawling on my ceiling right now.

Does that little spider truly understand how easy I could destroy him? But I won't. He's not bothering me. We're cool.

Not moths.

In fact, the second this moth came barging through my bedroom window I was convinced he had "beef" with me.

WHHHHOOOSH!!! This little cheap shot son of a bitch is a head hunter! He's coming right at me again! Kinda like a god damn Kamikaze pilot! I jump out of my chair and now it's on. The little arrogant prick couldn't leave well enough alone.

I grab my Sports Illustrated, roll it up tight and start methodically trying to knock this punk bitch into the middle of next week. I mean I'm taking some serious whacks at him.

After swinging and missing several times, I realized that connecting on a wayward moth was going to be a lot more difficult than I imagined. Frustration was setting in. The more I swung and missed, the faster and more aggressive the moth became.

I mean he was flying right through fire to get at me.

All of a sudden, I start to notice this moth is flying in what appears to be a designed pattern, he's circling the ceiling light at least 3 times before colliding with the closet door and making a run at me...

So that's when I decide to use human intelligence and out smart him with some old fashioned anticipation. I firmly grip my Sports Illustrated moth duster and settle in at the plate, calm, relaxed...

I just knew this moth was about to pay a very painful price.

My eyes followed him as he bounced off my closet door and with that, I took an enormous whack at a specific location rather than this moving target. Brilliant move! Homeboy decides to fly right into the batters box and the first swing I take connects with pinpoint precision.

Fuckin' Wade Boggs!