JUST ASK JR: Unfriendly Food Critic

DEAR JIMMY: My wife and I have a friend, "Jonah," whom we love dearly, but he has no filter. He's college-educated, has a white-collar job and is over 50. The problem is, anytime we invite him for dinner or take food items to his house, he makes horrible remarks about my wife's cooking, particularly when it's a holiday party based on my wife's Slavic heritage.

My wife is a really good cook. No one else makes fun of these foods, many of which are common in the U.S., but Jonah makes negative comments every time. I have told him that it's rude, and so has my wife.
We would hate not inviting him to future parties with our usual crowd, but it gets me upset when he does this. My wife has actually prepared an alternative meal for him so he won't have to eat the "heritage-style" food. He even makes snide comments when I bring foods popular in other parts of the U.S.
Jimmy, do we continue inviting him or not? It is straining our friendship. -- ALEX IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

Alex,

As a well noted food critic myself, I often find myself wondering what it is about one's skills in the kitchen that makes the topic of cooking so easily offensive. You say being critical of a dish is "rude"? How so? Are you suggesting Jonah doesn't have the right as a human being to eat your wife's slop and tell the truth about it? Let me guess, you're probably one of those "if you don't have anything nice to say..." types, correct?

Well I disagree. In fact, I couldn't agree any less.

You say, "my wife is a really good cook" but, in all honesty, you don't speak for anyone other than yourself. Look, this isn't Nazi Germany. Just because you enjoy your wife's cooking doesn't mean everyone else has to. And if I come over to your house and your wife is serving up some Slavic garbage, sure, I guess I could bite my tongue and wait until I get in the car, or I can tell you straight up, right there at the dinner table.

"This is God awful. And I'm not eating it." If you're lucky it'll stop there. Look at me sideways and with every bite I may express a desire to eat seagull shit off the rocks in Half Moon Bay rather than the crap your wife is putting in front of me.

You don't like Jonah's snide commentary? Well if there's one thing I can't stand it's these fake "foodies" who will shovel shit down their throats, then sit around and blow smoke up your ass about how "amazing" everything is in fear of offending the cook. When in reality, their taste buds are sending a clear message to the brain which states, "This is the fuckin' worst!" 

Now whether or not you continue inviting Jonah to dinner is up to you, but just understand if you don't, you come off looking like the average fascist dick head who doesn't want to be in the company of anyone who doesn't think the way he does. Thicker skin, Alex. It's a tough pill to swallow, knowing that someone thinks your wife is a horrible cook, but it can't be any more difficult to swallow than swallowing your wife's halusky.