I Like Turtles

I like turtles. I don't know what it is about them, but I like them. A lot!

So lets go there, shall we? Back in the mid 80's my parents went out on a limb and bought the kids some pet turtles. And I'm gonna be honest, I was more fond of these turtles than any dog I've ever had. I think it's fair to say dogs are probably the most popular pet in any given household, cats probably rank a close second, followed by hamsters, birds, gold fish, etc. But for me, these turtles were the shit. And it was nice because nobody asked for pet turtles, my mom and dad just went out one day and brought home turtles. It doesn't get any better than that.

But it does get a lot worse.

I'd like to say exactly why turtles make a great pet. Unfortunately I wouldn't know as our new turtles wouldn't make it 24 hours in one piece.

Allow me to issue some sound advice. If you're gonna go the turtle route, and really captivate a child's imagination with this prehistoric, slow moving creature. Make sure you buy the necessary equipment to insure the safety of your new pet. In other words, don't buy a fuckin' kiddie pool, fill it with dirt and rocks and stick it out in the back yard.

We bought our turtles at 2pm on a Saturday, my parents decided against the indoor turtle tank because keeping them outside would be much easier. Well, I was the first one out the door at 8am on Sunday morning, fuckin' Cambodia. Paraplegic turtles, no arms, no legs, apparently turtles are a delicacy to the average raccoon. They were alive and breathing, but in critical condition.

Eventually they would die. All of them.

Fuck.