Keep Your Dick Dog Away From Me

I'm not sure if there's any animal I hate more, well, actually I am sure. There is no animal I hate more than the German Shepherd. Bar none. In my opinion, the biggest prick fuck in the animal kingdom.

The miserable relationship I have with this dog started when I was 2 years old and my grandfather's shepherd, "Zeke", decided to take it upon himself and tear the left side of my face off for no reason what so ever. Pearl Harbor.

And as usual with any dog attack, most dog owners will start manufacturing excuses and trying to justify why their dog just crossed the line. Usually it sounds something like, "Well, if you weren't standing so close to Zeke's face..." or "You know, you shouldn't have reached for Zeke's toy..." or "Zeke was just being protective of his environment..." or, "Zeke didn't have a..."

You know what, dog owners?

Why don't you take your weak, irrelevant excuses and shove them right up Zeke's hairy ass. Let me help you out. If your dog bites a 2 year old kid in the face FOR ANY REASON, stop with your delusional fairy tales where you pretend to know why it happened. I'll tell you why your dog bit the kid in the face, because your dog is an asshole. That's why. Next question...

So throughout the years the German Shepherd has never really stopped attacking me, and if you're keeping score at home, 36 years after the first punk cheap shot, 6 others have followed suite. 7 times. 7 times this one breed of dog has nailed me. Most recently was about a year ago at work. Lunch break, I'm out in the street behind the shop draining 15 foot jumpers like I'm Jimmy Chitwood pondering a return to Hickory.



Shop shepherd across the street comes walking over and once again, for no reason what so ever this prick springs up and nails me on the forearm.

Owner comes out, apologizes, I'm looking at the blood running down my arm and when I explain my history with this one breed of wild animal he recites the same company line that every other delusional dog owner tells me.

"He probably sensed your fear."

Yeah, well, my bad. I'm guessing when a 2 year old kid gets drilled right in the face that might leave some mental scar tissue. I dunno. Just a hunch. But never mind me, lets talk about your dick dog.

Anyway, after the latest incident I made a promise to myself. I basically drew a line in the sand and said enough is enough. "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" is the war cry and I vowed to take apart the next German Shepherd that strikes without cause. In other words, the next one, whether it's male or female, big or small, canine unit or guide dog for the blind...

The next one that bites me gets killed on sight. I'm breaking his neck and throwing him in the dumpster.

Jesus Christ, Just Pull The Plug

I'm a firm believer that in life, we all have struggles. Granted, some of us are put in worse situations than others but we're all bound and determined to face different forms of adversity. The loss of loved ones, you get fired from your job, your girlfriend left you, now you're a drug addict facing jail time. That's life. Who knows when or where these curve balls will come from but they'll come, eventually.

Nobody is getting out of this shit hole totally unscathed.

When faced with these different forms adversity, chances are some wise ass know-it-all (the guy who has it all figured out) will offer up some sound advice like, "Hey man, when you get knocked down you gotta pick yourself back up again, bro."

That's good advice. I'll buy that. We are a resilient group, us humans. Sometimes I don't think we give ourselves enough credit. "You'll get through it. Hang in there. Keep your head up." Or as my mom likes to say, "This too shall pass."

However, when it comes to this:

Pull the god damn plug. Seriously. I don't think there's any hope left. I'm not exactly sure how it gets to this point, the all time low, the point where scribbling shit all over your face is comprehensible, but while you're at it, you might as well write the words "Game Over" somewhere in there because as far as I'm concerned, this is the equivalent of waiving the white towel. The sad thing about a guy like this is that underneath it all, this dude was probably a halfway decent looking guy.

And then all hell broke loose.



Hey look, when you start walking around town with "FUCK YOU" tattooed across your forehead, like my mans right here, you're gonna have a hard time convincing me you've got any long term goals that you plan on getting accomplished. I mean how do you sit across from this guy at the Thanksgiving dinner table? How do you even address him?

"Jeez, Uncle Gary's mashed potatoes were off the hook!"

"Yeah they were. Gary is one hell of a cook. Did you taste his homemade gravy?"

"Did we meet Gary last year? Is he related to Mark and Deb?"

"No, Mark and Deb are just old friends from high school. Gary is the one with FUCK YOU tattooed across his forehead."



Jesus Harold Christ. You know what? I'm not even gonna blame this poor son of a bitch for this one. That's not his fault. I blame the tattoo artist because I gotta be honest, if I'm a tattoo artist and some guy walks in one day and is like, "Yo, it's like this son, I'm looking to get a fat checkerboard tattooed across my face..."

I'm not doing it.

Not on my watch.

If you want to look like an asshole with a checkerboard tattooed across your face, that's fine. But I'm not having any part of it. I mean look at this fuckin' guy.

Pull the plug.

I Am Not A Role Model

As I sat and watched the "Three Stooges Convention" on Capitol Hill, I couldn't help but notice that somebody was missing. No, it wasn't Barry Bonds. It wasn't Larry, Curly, or Moe either. I was looking for Charles Barkley. Not because I think Sir Charles is a steroid user, but who better to stand in front of Congress and proclaim, "I am not a role model." Yes, we've been down this road before.

Every time somebody like myself says "athletes should not be role models" ultimately somebody will respond with, "Yeah but they are." Fair enough. Yet if that’s the case, we need to identify the differences between being a role model and idolization. It's one thing to wear a Barry Bonds jersey or hang a poster on your wall because he's a great player. However, when your child starts making crucial life decisions relative to anything Barry Bonds does, in my opinion you've lost touch with reality.

Professional athletes like Bonds, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Tiger Woods etc. These guys have been catered to their entire lives, it's a totally different lifestyle, a different world altogether. The choices they make are based on a false sense of reality. Is it reasonable to say that this is the type of person your child should be modeling himself after?

Lets be honest. Professional athletes get paid to perform, to entertain, period. To expect anything more of them is your own damn fault. I find it absolutely disgusting that a parent would stand before Congress and point the finger at Barry Bonds, or Mark McGwire, because their child killed himself after abusing steroids.

In fact, I'll take it a step further, I think any parent who does put tragedy like that on the shoulders of a professional athlete owes that athlete an apology.

Since when did a professional athletes become a guidance counselor? I mean, our media makes a habit out of highlighting the antics of a player like Michael Vick yet we still choose to make them our heroes?!?! Read the room. It's amazing that we expect Barry Bonds to be a role model when for years the media has declared war on his character.

Bonds is arrogant, Bonds is a jerk, Bonds has his own reclining chair and doesn't talk to his teammates. And now this, Bonds is cheating and using illegal drugs.

"Nahhh, really?!?!"



The media drags this guys' name through the sewer, yet when the "bad guy" screws up, he's now responsible for some kid who died because that kids mother and father failed as parents?

I find myself asking this often but I'll ask it again, at what point does common sense come into play? Am I to believe we are now living in a society that says it's OK to pawn your kids off on Randy Moss when parenting gets a little too complicated? It's Jose Canseco's fault because you as an adult don't know how to communicate with your own child?


The sports world has always been filled with players who demonstrated a total lack of character but we just ignore it. How many adults idolized Mickey Mantle when they were a kid? Was he a good role model? Should every parent who lost a father to alcoholism stand before Congress and blame Mickey Mantle? What about Babe Ruth? Can you honestly tell me Ruth was a good role model considering the choices he made off the field?

The list goes on and on.

Don't even get me started on Kobe Bryant.

Kobe is a perfect example of why athletes should never be role models! This guy played Texas Hold 'Em with the entire world, went "all in" on the river and everybody folded.

I can hear Kobe's fan club now, "He was acquitted JR! Kobe didn't do anything." Yeah, because cheating on your beautiful wife makes for a great role model, doesn't it? You see that’s the thing, we are always making excuses for these guys even when somebody gets killed! Which might explain the kid at "ARCO Arena" over the weekend wearing a #32 O.J. Simpson throwback jersey. Now there's a role model, right? If the glove doesn't fit...



On November 19th, 2004, we witnessed an event that emphasized the growing animosity between players and fans. It was a game between the Indiana Pacers and Detroit Pistons but it will forever be remembered as, "When Role Models Attack."

It was the end of the 4th period when Ron Artest flagrantly fouled Ben Wallace and a fight broke out. A fight much like the typical NBA fight. A lot of pushing and shoving, players exchanging words, millionaires holding each other back.

Just when things were cooling down, some drunk yo yo in the crowd decides he's going to grenade a plastic cup of ice towards Ron Artest.

Now granted, this moron probably didn't really mean to nail Artest, it was a fluke shot. He was probably thinking something like, "Hey guys, watch this cool move...."

Needless to say his ice bomb drilled Artest right in the head and it was on! Wrong guy. Ron Artest is probably the last guy in sports you want to hit in the face with a cup of anything. It was the equivalent of closing your eyes, firing a hard boiled egg into a room full of boxers and drilling Mike Tyson in the face. You hear me? Well, probably not considering your ear just got bitten off.

Next thing you know Ron Artest is bolting into the crowd and everybody knows what happened next. Lawsuits, suspensions, fines, fat Detroit Piston fans running on the court thinking they are Tommy Hearns.




Like it or not, this is all on the fans. We created this monster and now we are looking for someone to blame. "Damn it! I paid 45 dollars for a ticket, 8 dollars for a hot dog and 10 bucks for a rubber chicken. You owe me Barry Bonds!""

It's funny how we always want these athletes to be accountable for their actions but we as fans are never accountable for our own. We created this. If you want somebody to blame don't point the finger at Bonds or Jason Giambi, point the finger at Major League Baseball, the NBA, the NFL. These are the organizations handing out ridiculous multi million dollar contracts to young men before they ever step foot on the field, before they've matured. You don't think that impacts the athletes' perception of reality? So why are we surprised when Allen Iverson doesn't understand why he should show up for practice? "Practice?! We talkin' bout practice?!"

Yeah Allen, that’s exactly what we are talking about, practice.

That usually comes along with responsibility. Why are we surprised when Ricky Williams walks out on his teammates because he's decided his role models are Cheech and Chong? Why are we surprised when Tracy McGrady says it's hard to give 110% all the time? Hey, at least he's being honest. I wouldn't have proper perspective either when the NBA has already hooked up the brand new, pimped out, 2005 Cadillac Escalade on 28 inch rims.

110 percent? No way, not with Vanessa, Candy Lips, and Tatianna waiting for me at home. Shit, I just built a 12 million dollar recording studio in my pool room, you want me to practice? Man I got a rap album to record, 45 pit bulls to feed and hoes in different area codes.

Times have changed. NBA players are now 18-19 years old with huge contracts and no education what so ever. We're talking about 6'10 high school kids being scouted by the pro's because spending 4 years in college is way too risky. Would you risk tearing your ACL when millions of dollars are waiting for you on the table? I wouldn't.

Former Portland Trailblazer Sebastian Telfair signs a 14 million dollar deal with Adidas, a kid straight out of high school. That’s not reality, that’s not a role model, that’s the next episode of MTV Cribs!

Some of these kids are coming straight out of the ghetto with a posse 25 deep following close behind. When you start dumping millions of dollars into the laps of uneducated young adults, kids who have been poor their entire lives, how can you honestly believe or even expect them to be good role models?

Yes, players have to take responsibility for their actions but we are the ones who let our children idolize them. We are the ones who pay for season tickets. We are the ones shoving 8 dollar "Dodger Dogs" down our holes in the quest to be entertained. We made that choice. Last time I checked nobody was banging down Bill Gates' door expecting him to baby sit your kids because you just purchased Microsoft Windows. Keep it real. Professional athletes don't owe the fans a damn thing other than hard work and entertainment value.

Oh, but Barry Bonds "cheated" and we demand an admission of guilt. It's time people start putting things in proper perspective. If you really believe steroids is a huge problem in baseball then why not go to the source of the problem? Barry Bonds took steroids because they made him better. The better he is the more we pay to watch him. How is that any different than Edward Norton doing steroids to play the part of a skin head in the movie American History X?

This is the entertainment business.

I also love how Congress gets involved when it's baseball. Never mind that the NBA is loaded with blunt smoking gang bangers, we have bigger fish to fry. The integrity of " America's Past Time" is in question. How patriotic. Something tells me this whole steroid scandal might have had something to do with janitor Bush on his quest to clean up America and steer your attention away from "Operation Mannipulate The American People."

Now if you don’t mind, I'm going to go purchase my San Quentin prisoner #28967 Charles Manson throw back jersey and continue to hunt for Steve Bartman.

JR

Jim Berkland: Noted Fearmonger

Only a few days after the recent earthquake in Japan, some guy named Jim Berkland shows up on "Fox News" warning me about a major catastrophic earthquake bound and determined to hit Northern California between March 20th- 26th, 2011.

In an article that was published on October 13th, 1989, apparently this Berkman character claims to have accurately predicted the October 17th, 1989 "World Series Quake". Now, I've never heard of Jim Berkland which raises the question, why does it seem like it takes these geniuses 20-30 years to establish credibility? In other words, how come on October 18th, 1989, there was no extensive coverage on the dude who, only 4 days prior, stood at the plate like Babe Ruth and called his shot?

We only hear about these legendary predictions years after the fact. "World Series Quake?" I was a freshman in high school when the Loma Prieta earthquake happened. I don't ever remember anyone glossing it, "The World Series Quake" until now. Nor have I ever heard of Jim Berkland's prediction until only a few days ago...

And how ironic that Berkland shows up on Fox News. The 24 hour news channel desperate to convince the American public that the sky is falling.

I'm not buying it, Berkland. I'm not buying you, I'm not buying your bullshit predictions, nor am I buying a 50,000 square foot underground bunker in Nebraska.

Watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQXDt4VdS0E

At approximately 1:52 seconds, press pause and you'll see that Berkland has evidence of his 1989 "World Series Quake" prediction. Evidence in the form of a photo copied newspaper article. Now, if I'm Jim Berkland, the great 1989 earthquake predictor, I'm gonna make sure that immediately after the 1989 earthquake strikes, I have an authentic copy of my prediction.

Just like if I set the all time scoring record for a single game at Burlingame High School in 1992, I'm gonna have an actual copy of the paper that acknowledges my historic achievement. I dunno, it's kind of a big deal.

Not Berkland.

He shows up on Fox News 22 years later, immediately after a catastrophic event with some photo copied bullshit print out that I'm supposed to believe validates his historic claim. I get up in the morning and pour my first cup of coffee at about 3 am. You're gonna have to get up a little earlier than that, Berkland.

Matter of fact, I have a prediction myself. I predict that if you turned on the TV set right now, you'd find yourself living in an era where news media outlets like Fox News are not only participants, but sponsors in the modern day fear campaign.

Mouth pieces like Rush Limbaugh, Bill 'O Reilly, and Michael Savage.

Michael Savage who wants you to believe he's a credible source but invites guys like Berkland on his radio show and takes him seriously. Yeah, OK, I see you working Savage. The guy who calls your show and claims 9/11 was "an inside job" is a weed smoking dope dealer who hangs out with Charlie Sheen but you're standing behind some 109 year old blue hair claiming he predicted the 1989 earthquake?

Give me a break.

Earthquake Preparedness

I'm a firm believer that after every single catastrophic event, there's lessons to be learned as well as precautions to take. For example, just yesterday a portion of Japan was devastated by a magnitude 8.9 earthquake and a tsunami that followed. Now if you live in Jump Dick North Dakota maybe the threat of a major earthquake doesn't keep you awake at night, but if you live in California, it's not a matter of "if" as much as it is when.

Lets be honest, if you've been keeping score over the past, I dunno, 10 years, you simply can't deny that there's been an increasing number of earthquakes popping off all over the world. Big quakes. Quakes that aren't fucking around. Haiti, Chile, New Zealand, Japan. Who is next, Los Angeles? San Francisco? Portland? Seattle?

There's also an increasing amount of volcanic action going on.

Now I don't know how many geological "experts" will tell you this, and certainly I'm not one of them, but remember what I tell you slap nuts because I know my shit. Anytime you see a volcano erupt somewhere on earth, you can bet your ass a big earthquake is soon to follow. It's like thunder and lighting.

Now I'm not here to stir up fear, or climb up on a pedestal and scream "THE END IS NEAR!!!" all I'm saying is that if you live in California, you would be dumber than a bag of hammers to sit around with your thumb up your butt hole and practice the "It won't happen to me" mentality.

It is going to happen. So take precaution.

The first thing you should do is draw up an earthquake escape route. Think about it. When an earthquake strikes, most people freeze up in fear and start looking at the walls and ceilings, waiting for shit to drop. If you have small kids in the house, you simply don't have time to freeze up and pretend it's a god damn 4th of July fireworks show. You need to act fast!

The second the earth starts quaking you need to get off your ass and execute the plan of attack. Collar those kids and get to a safe place. You should have no problems sizing up your turf and finding a safe zone in your house. It's your call.

Secondly, and most importantly, people should start thinking about tying down all large pieces of furniture in their house and they should start thinking about doing that yesterday. Earthquakes don't kill people, falling entertainment systems and pianos kill people.

There's no better time than now as OSH (Orchard Supply Hardware) is having a "We'll Pick Up The Sales Tax" event this weekend, so get in there and get what you need to get to tie some of that shit down.

God bless you all.

Animal Planet

Oh, what the hell. We'll just keep doing what we always do, right? Pay our respects to the family, talk about what a monster this guy is, and then in a couple of days we'll all move on with our lives and it'll be business as usual. Until it happens again. And it will.

It always does.

I'm probably in the minority on this one, in fact, I know I'm in the minority but, anytime we want to start tweaking the system a little bit in order to prevent stuff like this from happening again, I'm all in. Any time. I say we start yesterday.

I know we like to hide behind religion, and show people mercy, and talk about compassion, the meaning of "God", etc. All that sounds great, but it only sounds great until they pull YOUR kid out of a canal. Until it's your kid they stuff in a suitcase. Then what?

You still want to hold hands and light candles? Attend Sunday mass and hum a few songs about peace, pretend we're all riding "It's A Small World" at Disneyland...

Because I gotta be honest. I'd rather feed people to the alligators and broadcast it on live television.

"Well, how does that make you any better?"

Well, because for starters, I'm offering up solutions to problems, that's what makes me better. I'm not sitting around waiting for the next kid to die. Somebody just drove a 4 year old little boy named Juliani Cardenas into a canal, no less than a year after someone stuffed little Sandra Cantu in a suitcase and dumped her in a drainage ditch. Yeah I know ALL the names. I don't forget them. Kevin Collins is still missing and Mark Klaas hasn't gotten any justice in the death of his daughter Polly.

You see the pattern here?

I'm not exactly sure what people are waiting for. If we're gonna sit in a room and stare at each other, waiting for one of these little kids to stand up and offer up a suggestion on how to protect themselves, that's not gonna happen. As an adult, as a parent, it's our responsibility to protect these children, by any means necessary. And WE just failed. Again.

There's a problem. When we encounter problems in life, aren't we supposed to look for solutions? This is getting ridiculous.

Unfortunately, the vast majority of our self serving little world would much rather put emphasis on what makes them feel better about themselves, things like peace, love, compassion, and "understanding". Yeah, sure, that makes you feel better about yourself but what about the victims? What about the mother of this child? What about the grandmother? What about the sexually abused child who has to live with the pain?

I'm glad you think you're a better person for preaching peace, God, and love but I'm not interested in your little pipe dreams. I'm interested in feeding the animals.

We tried "peace", we protect these child abusers/ molesters in jail, we slap them on the wrist and promote their existence in society through websites like "Megan's Law," then wonder why parents won't let their kids outside anymore. We allow them in and out of our criminal justice system as if they were found guilty of spilling paint on the rug.

Trying to get me to understand what drives someone to kill a 4 year old child is a total waste of my time.

Peace doesn't work. The polar bears are starving.

Speaking of bears, maybe we can learn something here. If you were to encounter a grizzly bear and her cub while hiking the beautiful trails of Alaska, it doesn't matter if you intended to harm the cub or not, she will annihilate you. I've seen grizzly bears kill people in 8 seconds flat. So then, why do we accept a grizzly bear protecting her cub by any means necessary but we can't protect our own damn children?

Because we are more civilized?

Are we? Are we really? Are we really more civilized? A grown ass man just drove a 4 year old little boy into a canal. Don't talk to me about being civilized. I'm not interested.

Taking Aim

Immediately after the shooting of Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, I was shocked to discover that Sarah Palin had included Gifford's name in the cross hairs of a rifle, taking aim at a handful of legislators who supported Barrack Obama's health care bill. The thought that a politician, any politician, would use her stance on gun rights in America to target fellow politicians was something I expected to see in the early 90's, on an album cover in the rap/hip hop section of "Tower Records".

As expected when tragedy strikes, people will look to point the finger and suggest that Palin, at the very least, is responsible for "inciting the violence."

We saw the exact same thing in Colorado on April 20th, 1999 at Columbine High School. Two senior students, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold declared war on a school with mass casualties. When the dust settled, somehow musician Marilyn Manson was to blame for "inciting the violence" after discovering that, amongst other things, these disturbed young men were "fans" of Manson's music. Music that could be considered "violent".

Ridiculous, I say.

Sarah Palin is responsible for the actions of Sarah Palin, she's not responsible for the actions of some disturbed lunatic named Jared Loughner. To suggest otherwise is sort of like insinuating that Loughner's sentence, whatever it may be, should be reduced because he's insane, and "Sarah Palin made him do it."

I'm not buying that.


While Sarah Palin may not be responsible for the deaths of 6 people, or mortally wounding Congresswoman Giffords, she's proven herself guilty of being unprofessional, as well as allowing her "passion" to escalate to the point where many believe she's an incompetent fool (if they weren't convinced already). What disturbs me most is the agenda. The hypocrisy coming from the right, as well as the desperate attempts to sweep this little "incident" under the rug.

In 1992, the Grand Old Party (GOP) mounted an offensive against "gangster rap" music after a Texas state trooper was shot and killed by a teenager who was listening to a rap album entitled "2Pacalypse Now", which included songs about killing police. Dan Quayle, the Vice President of the United States at the time, demanded that the album be withdrawn from music stores and media across the country.

So I ask you, what's the difference?

It's not OK for 2PAC to fantasize about killing police officers on a record, but it's "no big deal" when SARAHPAC targets politicians?

Rex Ryan Is Sniffing That Toe Jam

"Nobody studies like [Manning]. I know [Tom] Brady thinks he does and all that stuff. I think there's probably a little more help from [Bill] Belichick with Brady than there is with Peyton Manning." - Rex Ryan
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That's honest. I can respect that. Some might view a comment like this as some kind of cheap, back handed trash talk but Rex Ryan is entitled to his opinion. The man has seen and schemed against his fair share of great quarterbacks....

That said, if I'm playing against the Chicago Bulls in game 7 of the '92 NBA Finals, I'm not sure I'd be pining for the pregame microphone just to tell Michael Jordan that he's overrated, but that's just me.

Say what you gotta say, coach Ryan. I hear you. You too, Cromartie...

Keep talking.

Wasn't Antonio Cromartie on those San Diego Charger teams a few years back? With Tomlinson? Yeah, I remember them. That was the Charger team where, after New England kicked their ass, they'd all stand in a big line at midfield, eat "Gerber's Apricot Nectar" and cry about it.

It was Tomlinson, Phyllis Rivers, Antonio Crymartie, Shawna Merriwoman...

But Tomlinson had to be the biggest cry baby of them all. I'm still a huge fan of listening to one of the greatest running backs of all time get absolutely shut down and then whine about it because Bill Belichek shut him down. That's Classic!

Usually when a star player loses on the field, he understands the, "I'll get them next time" mentality. Not Tomlinson. I'm still not sure if that thing dangling out the bottom of "LT's" helmet is a mouth piece or a pacifier. Someone give this little baby his "Lincoln Logs" back before he melts down and has to be given a "timeout". Awesome!

And now, only days before the game, Antonio Crymartie pops off and calls Tom Brady "an asshole". Yeah, that's usually how it goes when the quarterback in question thinks you're an overrated corner with no brains, and starts picking on you. Picking you apart.

Keep talking, Crymartie. Which kid taught you that? Was it 1 through 9 or 18 through 27?

And who is the ugly looking bum on the other side? Revis? Stephen Revis or something? I forget, but who can forget the Brady to Randy Moss one handed TD connection where Gabe Revis pulled up lame and faked a hamstring injury. Nice try, Revis. The last time I saw that
"act" was back when Olympic sprinter Michael Johnson grabbed his hamstring after getting blown out by Donovan Bailey.

All I wanna know is this. Which one of the Jets handicapped cornerbacks has to check Wes Welker? Someone better get on Welker, and while you're at it, make note of the guy trying to defend Deion Branch, he'll be the one wiping shit off his face during the commercial break.

Never mind all that. I've got some questions for the foot sniffer.

Peyton Manning is better than Tom Brady?

Yeah, and I think your wife needs to change her socks. Seriously. You've been sniffing that back woods toe jam. The last time I checked Brady threw 36 TD passes with only 4 interceptions. Manning chucked 11 picks in 3 games! Not only that, your overrated defense beat Peyton Manning and the Colts. What was the score the last time you played the Patriots, 45-3?

You got a foot fetish? How did Tom Brady's foot feel when he buried it up your ass, porky?

A 50 Million Dollar Deterrent

Thirty-two people jumped to their deaths from the Golden Gate Bridge in 2010, about the same number as in the previous two years, according to the Marin County coroner's office.

Thirty-one people committed suicide from the span in 2009, as did 34 in 2008.

The latest deaths occurred while the Golden Gate Bridge, Highway and Transportation District attempts to raise $50 million for construction of a suicide barrier that district board members approved in 2008.

"This report means the tragedies continue and the urgency of getting this resolved increases," said Paul Muller, co-founding member of the Bridge Rail Foundation, a consortium of advocates who support the barrier. "This has been going on for too long. We know it can be stopped."
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No offense but this is probably the dumbest idea I’ve heard in the past 10 years. Who is this guy kidding? I don’t mean to sound insensitive but, you’re talking about spending 50 million dollars to stop what?

"We know it can be stopped?"

Who knew?

Who knew the cure for depression wasn’t loading people up on prescription drugs or even telling them to, “pick themselves up by the boot strings.” Oh no, come to find out the cure for depression was/is a 50 million dollar suicide barrier on the Golden Gate Bridge. Oh yeah, that’ll fix everything.

Shit, I feel better already.

I mean, people like Paul Muller need to start realizing that some of us out here aren't nearly as dumb as we look. This guy doesn't care. This isn't about saving lives. Mr. Muller is simply trying to preserve the integrity of this pristine tourist attraction by spending 50 million dollars to wash the stain off the side of the bridge. This is about paying a 50 million dollar price tag to remove a stereotype.

If this was about saving lives, we'd be dumping 50 million dollars into out reach programs where, amongst other things, we'd come to find out that if you put real people who truly care in a position to listen, you'd make a far greater impact in the war against depression than you would a fuckin' barrier. A barrier that certainly isn’t gonna stop anyone from killing themselves.

Let me tell you something, depression doesn’t just magically disappear once Debbie Downer realizes she can no longer Peter Pan off the side of the Golden Gate Bridge. That’s bullshit. If you prevent someone from killing themselves on Tuesday, it doesn't make the prospects of Wednesday look any better.

32 people committed suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge in 2010. Had a barrier been put in place on January 1st, 2011, I’m guessing 0 people will be killing themselves on the bridge in 2011. That's great, however, lets keep it real. Train fatalities, drug overdoses, hangings and gun shots blasts to the head will significantly increase. As will the number of deaths by law enforcement officers.

Why is it that every time somebody gets hit by a train in the bay area, immediately afterward some simple minded idiot will ponder whether it was a suicide (because you know those trains are real sneaky), then he'll suggest, "Hey, lets waste millions of dollars to build a fence around the tracks."

What is it with people? What is it with this desire to come up with the easiest possible solution and then play dumb when it never works? If this is about cleaning up the Golden Gate Bridge then say it's about cleaning up the Golden Gate Bridge, just don't tell me it's about saving lives because it isn't.

Michael Vick Should NOT Be Executed

This is in response to conservative commentator Tucker Carlson's recent "suggestion" that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick "should be executed".

First off, I love animals as much as the next guy. I'd also like to add that I'm not some "sports buff" who thinks that a professional athlete should be granted leniency because he can throw a football. I really don't care.


As far as I'm concerned, part of Michael Vick's problem was being a professional athlete in the first place. A professional athlete who, like most professional athletes, have been catered to their entire lives. What better way to create a false sense of reality than to constantly "excuse" certain types of behavior in fear of preventing a super star athlete from becoming an icon?

It starts in high school, follows them into college, and by the time these guys become professional athletes, in their minds they can get away with anything.

Even murder.

No, it doesn't make it right.

Nor does it make it right that the answer to the question: "How does a young man like Vick bring himself to abuse dogs? probably lies somewhere in Vick being familiar with dog fighting as a child, thus becoming desensitized to the warm and fuzzy feelings that dogs generate in most people. Just because a man can throw a football doesn't mean he's mentally qualified to be your kids role model.

I hear it all the time, this "role model" bullshit. How many professional athletes need to screw up before you get a better understanding to what Charles Barkley was saying back in 1989? How many?

How many drug possessions, rape charges, assaults, murders, DUI's, and manslaughter charges need to be filed? How many professional athletes have to beat/ cheat on their wives before you, as a parent, come to grips with a media witch hunt in which people like Tucker Carlson seek to destroy the perception of the guy hanging on your child's wall?

Role models? Please. That's weak.

The truth is, whether it sounds like an excuse or not, Michael Vick is a product of the environment in which he was raised. Much like the delusional and rabid dog lover who is constantly making excuses for a vicious pit bull with endless cries of, "It's not the dog, it's how the dog was raised."

The same logic applies to Michael Vick. Vick is a product of his environment.

No, that doesn't make it right either. If Michael Vick's actions should be excused because he comes from a tough environment, certainly he wouldn't have served 23 months at the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth, nor would he have incurred financial losses of up to 142 million dollars. That doesn't exactly sound like a fuckin' hall pass.

Not when ex Philadelphia Eagles WR Donte Stallworth is serving 23 days in jail for getting drunk behind the wheel and killing a man. Yeah, lets execute Michael Vick for killing dogs but give his teammate 23 days and a slap on the wrist for killing real people. That makes sense.

It's funny how proactive our political leaders are when it comes to the fate of a professional football player, or a steroid using baseball player, but where is Tucker Carlson when Oakland BART police officer Johannes Meserle executes Oscar Grant?

I dunno. I guess I just don't value the life of a vicious pit bull more than I value the life of a fellow human being. You know it's a shame. You can kill a mother's son, but just don't kill his dog.