Who's The Chicken Now?

For the better part of 5-6 years now I've been forced to absorb one of the most ridiculous claims I've ever heard in the history of sports. Don't get me wrong, I've heard some stupid shit before but this one takes the cake.

I'm talking about pundits like ESPN's Skip Bayless grandstanding on air about how Floyd Mayweather Jr., easily the best pure boxer of his generation and arguably the best defensive fighter of all time has tap danced around welterweight champion Manny Pacquiao because, as Skip and a host of others have put it, "Floyd is a chicken".

Just Ask JR: Elliot Rodger Lives Next Door

Dear JR,

Two years ago, a couple built a home on the lot next to ours. From the time they moved in, we have been concerned about their 11-year-old son's anti-social behavior. It began with him trying to coax our dog into his yard when we were trying to call her in. Then he started coming into our yard, playing roughly with our three small children and using vulgar language around our 8-year-old daughter.
He is no longer allowed in our yard and has been kicked out of three other homes in the neighborhood. The most recent incident occurred a few days ago, when he yelled a profanity at our daughter. I called his mother, and she told me her son would "never behave that way"!

JR, this boy is creepy. I don't trust him. He stands in his yard staring at us whenever we are outside. I'm worried his behavior will get worse. Other neighbors have seen him abuse his dog and other animals. His parents never watch him. What do we do? I'm worried about my children's safety. - Alicia in Wisconsin

Alicia,

I’m just going to be honest with you. The kid is a fuckin’ weirdo. And as is the case with most people in your situation, you’ll probably just brush it under the rug and assume the next Charles Manson isn’t living next door. Then you come home from work one day and that dog of yours is laying in the driveway with her god damn head lopped off!

Assumption is your worst enemy.

But if you’re going to assume anything, it’s best to assume the worst. It’s best to assume this kid is only days away from kicking your front door in with a loaded shot gun and laying waste to all of you.

Oh yeah, I’m serious. I’m serious as a fuckin’ heart attack. I got the chills just reading your inquiry. 11 years old? Did you hear the one the other day about the 10 year old who beat his 90 year old grandmother to death?

Demon seeds.

What should you do? Well, I mean, conventional wisdom suggests you should be proactive with this little psycho’s parents. Find out what his deal is, is he taking his medication, etc. And what they’re doing about it? Then again, the fact that this little pricks mother is in denial is the biggest red flag of them all.

Do you want the police involved? Do you want to discuss restraining orders and things like that? Seems like a big hassle and a piss poor quality of life. Hey look, it’s not your fault Alicia. It’s not your fault that you’re living next door to Elliot Rodger 2.0. Me personally, I’d get the fuck out of there. Like, yesterday! Pack your shit and get the hell out of dodge. That’s my advice. That’s what I would do. Error on the side of caution.

Or not.  Or hang around, pretend it’s nothing and end up on the front page of the Wisconsin Daily Journal.

Just Ask JR: Maiden Names

Dear JR,

I'm thinking about marrying my longtime boyfriend, but I'm hesitant because he wants me to change my last name. I want to keep my maiden name as my mother did. Most of the women I look up to in my life kept their names.

My boyfriend says my wanting to keep my name tells him I am not committed. He says he'd be really hurt if I did it. I feel that retaining my name is the ultimate in female empowerment. The tradition of women changing their last name goes back to when we were treated as property and not educated. What do you think I should do?- Sally Rogers

Dear Sally,

First off, I don't agree that dropping your maiden name and accepting his means you are being treated as "property", or that you aren't educated. At the same time, your boyfriend's belief that you aren't "committed" because you wish to keep your maiden name is equally as ridiculous.
Do what you want Sally. This is about you. It doesn't have a god damn thing to do with him or his views on traditional marriage.

If you want to keep your maiden name, hyphenate it and add his at the end, that's it. End of discussion. Besides, what's he gonna do about it, leave you? Good! Because that says a lot about the kind of dick you were planning to marry in the first place. At the end of the day, it's none of his fuckin' business. In marriage, his only business is to love you unconditionally. I mean you aren't even married yet and he's acting like a spoiled 3 year old who isn't getting his way.

If I was a woman I'd keep my last name too. It's amazing how some of us guys can't understand how a woman wants to be proud of the family she comes from. To the end.

Look, tell Fred Flinstone to back off the gas pedal and learn to accept you for the woman you are, understand and appreciate the choices you make, at the same time making sacrifices of his own for the woman he loves.

Otherwise he'll have you out in the field pickin' berries.